In coaching we often use the term Accountability. What is accountability? It means to be accountable, responsible and answerable to what you say you are going to do. It is not about blaming or judging and certainly not about punishing when you do not do what you say you are going to do. That is not what coaching is about.

Coaching is a partnership; we are equals in our work toward your dreams. My job is not to judge or blame. In fact, my holding you accountable means that I believe in you and I accept the honor of being your witness in your growing, stretching and stepping into your highest self towards creating the life of your dreams. I am holding you accountable for your vision, for what it takes to make that vision a reality. I will ask you “What are you truly committed to?” Truly being the driver of this vehicle that is your life means being accountable for the results of your decisions, your intentions and your actions. As your coach, I am committed to your success and I will ask you:

What are you going to do?
By when will you do it?
And how will I know?

What is something you want to be held accountable for? What is the leap in your life what you want to take? May I be your witness?

All my best,

Pamela

When you find what I call your “monkey mind chatter” taking over, I invite you to be kind and gentle to yourself. Notice what is happening (“Look at my thoughts, wow there it is again…” then smile). Look around and see what is actually happening in your life. Not your thoughts…really what is happening…smell the air, touch the fabric of the sofa you are sitting on, feel your feet on the ground and focus on your breathing. Make a concentrated effort to return to exactly what is happening in the moment. As Byron Katie often says–it is not what is happening to us that is difficult, it is our thoughts about what is happeing to us that is difficult. Trust, really trust that when you are present in the NOW, you can handle anything that happens with decisiveness and clarity. Ask yourself if what you are perseverating on is really happening now or are you making it up, re-living the past or focusing on the imaginary future. Then return again to where you are, focus on your breathing and know that you are not your thoughts. Now is all you have.

All my best,

Pamela

When you are this busy it is hard to even imagine time for yourself, much less planning and prioritizing that time. If you do create time just to be alone, FABULOUS! If you don’t, consider this: when you are not taking time out for yourself, you risk living a life that is disconnected from who you are. Yes, I know you are “there” but I bet it is difficult to remember what you did last Tuesday (without looking at your calendar!). That is because you are not present and there is a difference between being there and being present.

Being there is being there in body and being present is being there in body, mind, and spirit and perhaps more importantly because you have chosen to be there. By taking time out just for you, to quiet your mind and check in with your inner wisdom around what you want and what is right for you, you are able to reconnect your head with your heart.

When you are disconnected you might find yourself anxious, indecisive and making decisions that please others rather than decisions that serve to create a better life for you. When you are connected you are able to be where you are. What happens is that all else falls away so you can enjoy each moment in your life be it eating a fabulous dinner with your international friends (hearing their laughter, watching them, savoring every bite) or in class, fully present and attending to what is going on.

It doesn’t have to be fancy or new age. All you have to do is simply schedule at least 15 minutes everyday to return to yourself. Choose a comfortable, quiet place—it can be anywhere, in a park, in your room. Take a deep breath, quiet your mind and settle into your body. In this quietness you are much more able to make choices that come from your authentic self. As you make this a daily practice or as often as you can you will begin to notice that you feel more grounded, anchored and present in your life. From this anchored place you will be running your wonderful life rather than it running you.

All my best,

Pamela Mattsson
Passionate Life Coach

Here are 10 things that you can do to improve your life TODAY!

1. Be intentional with your thoughts. Your life is a continuous creation and your thoughts are a key part of what creates your life. How your thoughts make you feel is your personal radar letting you know whether your thoughts are serving you and your life or not. If your thoughts make you feel good, GREAT! If your thoughts make you feel bad, make a concerted effort to shift your thought. This is bigger than “positive thinking” this is about taking control of our unique human endowment—our ability to control our thoughts.

2. Be honest with yourself and others. I really believe that it takes small bits of our soul to not speak our truth. Even white lies can wear away at your character. More important than your relationship with others is your relationship with yourself. Being honest is one of the best ways to honor yourself. Strive for self-integrity.

3. Be kind to yourself and others. Like honesty, kindness and compassion feed the soul. When you find yourself being really tough on yourself think about how you would be and what you would say to your best friend. When you are being really tough with someone else (most often our nearest and dearest) think about whether your best friend would still be your best friend if you treated them this way.

4. Relax. I know it is easier said than done but worrying and stressing gets us nowhere fast. When you find yourself full of anxiety and frustration about something (a line, traffic) ask yourself if, in a week, in a month, in a year, will this really matter.

5. Be thankful. And I don’t mean a quick “thanks”. I mean really look around the room you are in, the company you keep, the sky, your health, your children, your dog, whatever it is that you can genuinely be thankful for and let yourself really feel that appreciation. When you are full of appreciation, your perspective on life shifts for the better.

6. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Whether it is your way of being helpful or the nature of what your professional or personal life demands, saying yes to too many things is saying a big fat NO to your well-being. Don’t bother yourself or others with long explanations, simply say “I can’t” when you can’t. Honor the preciousness of your time and only do the things you really WANT to do.

7. Tell the people you love that you love them. Very similar to being thankful and being honest, letting people you care for know that you love them feeds their soul and yours. Don’t ever assume that they “know” you do. Letting people know how you feel WILL matter in a week, month and year from now.

8. Be quiet. As little as 15 minutes a day of quiet time can make a profound difference in the quality of your life. Don’t be afraid, it doesn’t have to be meditation (and it can be) but turn off your cell phone, close your door, no t.v., no radio, get comfortable, close your eyes, and enjoy your own company.

9. Take care of yourself. I know that you know what to do to take care of yourself. It is what your grandmother and your mother taught you—eat breakfast, drink water, exercise, and get plenty of rest but so many of us say I’ll start tomorrow, or on Monday… There are thousands of excuses AND there are NONE. We all have the same number of minutes and hours in the day and the only separation between people who take good care of themselves and people who don’t is a decision.

10. Get a Life Coach. Seriously. If you are interested in how to make your okay life phenomenal, then get a life coach.

These are just a few things you can do to improve your life. If you are thinking, that sounds great but who has time, or let’s get real here—I have to make a living and I have a life—then you are not making time for things that really matter. I can show you how to have your daily actions reflect your deepest values and desires. And if you are thinking , I know all this and have tried but it just doesn’t stick, then you are putting yourself and your life on the back burner while you put out fires—where is your joy? Where is your passion? You deserve to have it all and together we can create it.

All my best,

Pamela

What is the gift in being upset?

Being upset about something signals the opportunity to learn more about yourself and your world-view. If you are willing to take an honest look inside and ask yourself some tough questions, you can unleash the power of greater self-awareness.

When we get upset there is usually one of two things going on. One, there is an underlying value or need that is not being honored in our lives or two, there is a part of us that we are working so hard to avoid that we see it clearly in other people.

Try on this perspective. If traffic or time pressures are really stressing you out, perhaps you have a huge need for freedom in your life that is not being honored. If you find yourself dreading social outings and feeling crowded even by those you love, maybe you need more time for yourself.

When you feel the emotional charge of being upset about outside circumstances, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “What need or value of mine is being stepped on here?” “What is important about (what’s upsetting me)?” Then go a little further and ask “What can I do this week to meet this need for myself?”.

Secondly, if someone is being rude and obnoxious, maybe that display is bumping up against a part of you that gets hidden. It doesn’t mean that you are rude and obnoxious but it may mean that you avoid that behavior to a point that it doesn’t serve you. Maybe there is something to learn from someone who doesn’t care what other’s think of him. You could ask yourself: “Where in my life do I sacrifice what I want in order to avoid being seen as rude?” “What is the cost of always being nice?” “What can I do today to honor what I want for my life?”

You can’t control traffic, time, or other people’s behavior but you can control your reaction. Viewing your emotional charge as a gift and an opportunity to learn something important about yourself can significantly shift your awareness and quality of life. Take a deep breath when you feel upset and ask your wise inner-self for more information.

By working with a life coach, you can uncover your unique set of values and needs and create a life that honors what makes you magnificent and special.

Do whatever it takes to be aware of what you need, notice how you feel when your needs are not being met and most importantly, be first in line to honor your values and meet your own needs. Now that is something to be rude and obnoxious about!

All the best,

Pamela

Whatever you bring to coaching can be a tool for greater self-awareness, learning and most importantly change. The topic is absolutely your choice! What is unique about the coaching relationship is that it gets to the heart of the matter, brings the clarity necessary for the decisions that are right for you and offers the support and safety necessary for you to take bold action around those decisions.

All my best,

Pamela